


The ballad of Sir Humphrey

by NeasieB



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Ballads, Gen, I'm Sorry, terribly corny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeasieB/pseuds/NeasieB
Summary: Telling in ballad form how good Sir Humphrey came to be most grievously done to Death by our late lord King Henry.I listen to so much folk music I can now only think in stock phrases from ballads.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 24





	The ballad of Sir Humphrey

Sir Humphrey was a noble lord,  
And a lord of high degree.  
Long served he at the royal court,  
The court of King Henry.

He served the king for seven years  
With loyalty and pride.  
And anywhere King Henry went,  
Humphrey was at his side.

He was the noblest of the court,  
Service with honour gave.  
Alas an insult to his king  
Sent this knight to his grave

It fell about the Martinmas,  
The day being cold and fine.  
To Sir Humphrey said King Henry,  
"With you this night I'll dine".

He's turned him right and roundabout  
And rode away so soon.  
And so came he to Button House,  
A while before the noon.

"Prepare the board!" Sir Humphrey cried,  
"Bring beef and pie and wine!  
For in this house that is my own  
King Henry here will dine".

"Oh here is ham and here is swan,  
And blackbirds in a pie,  
And pork and fowl and all good things  
For our great king to try".

And all went well when first he dined,  
His dish filled to the brim.  
But a great change did come about,  
When they gave veg to him.

The king he turned him round about,  
"Dost think I am a page?  
I am the king and I will ne'er  
Eat carrot or cabb-age"

King Henry was an angry man,  
And an angry man was he.  
"You've done to me notorious wrong  
This day your death I'll see!"

"Oh do not weep for me, lady.  
Oh do not mourn or sigh.  
For I've insulted our good king,  
And for that crime must die".

They've taken him by his right hand,  
And by the sleeve so red.  
They've dragged him out to the courtyard  
And there cut off his head.

Long may his lady watch and wait  
With a lantern in her hand,  
Before she sees good Sir Humphrey  
A-riding oe'r the land.

Bad news, bad news flies up and down,  
Sir Humphrey he is dead.  
For serving veg to our good king  
He forfeited his head.

There's many a lady wept that night  
To hear of Humphrey's death.  
And many a maid did tear her hair  
To think on his last breath.

Oh bury him, bury him in the church  
And lay him down to rest.  
And sing sad songs so all shall know  
Of men he was the best.

Oh mourn England, oh cry and mourn,  
For right cruel was his lot.  
While tongues can tell let all ensure  
Humphrey is ne'er forgot.

And now good sirs my tale is done.  
I bid you make this pledge.  
If you would fain your life preserve,  
Serve not King Henry veg.

**Author's Note:**

> As well as wondering why Humphrey was beheaded, this was partly inspired by the Horrible Histories "Henry VIII's diet secrets" sketch in which the secret of his diet is to eat 5000 calories a day and no vegetables.


End file.
